Serving food is a delicate act of communication. How much pie do you serve your friend at a dinner party? How much pasta do you spoon on your children’s plates? Who gets the last piece of cake? Whether serving food at a dinner party or in a family setting, the expectations and behaviors that accompany the service have deeper social meaning. Learning the rules of sharing food requires tact and skill in communicating. In this post, you’ll learn the art of serving food and the history of dinner table etiquette.
Here’s a super cute 30 second commercial on the art of sharing: two boys learn how to share with a Jif peanut butter sandwich.
Food serving may be interpreted as an expression of the feelings, attitudes, and sensitivities of the participants. The amount (a lot to a little) and the quality (leftovers or the prime piece) of the food you give to others are a type of communication, which linguist Amy Shuman defines as “the rhetoric of portions.” You can demonstrate your affection or your antagonism to another through your food- a lot of food, the best cuts, etc. indicate love and abundance; a small slice and scraps suggest severity and signal hostility.
Serving food is an act of communication. It gives insight to who you are and your relation to others.
In the 17th century, Western civilization began food distribution with attention to food service and used certain types of vessels and cutlery. The first plates were thick slices of stale bread! Who would guess that Medieval bread bowls would become so fashionable!
These bread “trenchers” evolved into flat wooden or metal plates with a shallow cavity carved around the edge to sop up the juices. A second smaller cavity was carved onto the trencher as well to hold salt that could be added to season the dish.
Besides tableware changing, the manner of eating changed as well. The first tables were U-shaped which evolved to a rectangular table. This must have improved conversations dramatically where guests could finally face one another and talk to each other! Here’s advice on how to decide which dining table shape you should choose.
Food apportionment was mainly self-service, but by the end of the 19th century, the host began to serve food. But, serving food was no simple task and required more than just scoop, dump, and pass. Hosts doled out food to guests with careful attention to status. If given inappropriate portions, the guest might be insulted, at times intentionally; in-laws may be given less food than the children or small portions may indicate a critique of the diner’s waistline. (Some things to keep in mind during the holidays! Ha, ha! We’re thinking buffet-style may be the safest option). Some societies explicitly detailed the portions for family (typically more for men) but portions to guests were more negotiable.
The host must appear generous, and the guest must be interested in the company and not just the food. Unexpected guests require strategic, swift thinking. The host can stretch the food by adding a couple extra potatoes or beans and slicing the meat thinner.
Expectations of food apportionment and the acceptance or refusal of food differ in different cultures, and may sometimes clash and cause conflict or restraint. For example, Argentinians expect food to be offered three times until finally accepting it, while the Czechs offer food only once and not again. The different etiquette in which food is offered may jeopardize relationships.
Food delicacies are also a special case of food offering. Serving too little may insult the guest (who doesn’t realize the food is a delicacy) or eating too much may insult the host.
The Last Piece. Who gets it?
A lone piece of pie remains. A last wedge of pizza. Who gets the last forkful? It calls into question the abundance of food available, the modesty of the guests, the generosity of host, and the quality of the portions.
Food hospitality is about appearances. Large portions of food suggest abundance, yet when there is not enough food, appropriate social behavior is tested.
- Be on the lookout. Food left on the dish may be a compliment or may signal wanting more food. As the host or hostess, you want to monitor your guest’s plate, but not appear too interested.
- Ask but don’t persist. Ask your guests if they would like a second portion, and if they say, “no thanks,” don’t insist and don’t ask for a reason. Don’t make your guests confess to being pregnant/dieting/vegan/paleo or that they just don’t like the dish. It’s a lose-lose game, so don’t play it and everyone wins.
- Keep everyone hydrated. Make sure everyone has water or a beverage.
- Wait to clear plates. When you’re hosting a party, wait to clear the plates, so your guests don’t feel rushed. We all know the feeling of being pushed out of a restaurant when the waiter starts to clear the table and at worst, start vacuuming around the chairs.
Relax and enjoy your family, your friends, and yourself.
How much food is available, the modesty of fellow table mates, and equality come into the elaborate and subtle politics of dining etiquette. Serving food, receiving food, and eating together are no simple matters.
See for more: Amy Shuman (1981). The rhetoric of portions. Western Folklore, 40(1), 72-80.