We led an engaging conversation on Table Manners with chef Ivan Brehm at Appetite, the creative collaborative space above his Michelin-starred restaurant Nouri in Singapore. In our stimulating discussion, we delved deep into how we eat food as well as what food we choose to eat. We addressed cross-cultural differences in dining etiquette, utensils, the makeup of meals, and rituals of eating. Which foods can we touch with our hands? Why do we clink glasses and say ‘cheers’? How do we act differently in private and public dining settings?
With a brilliant and diverse group, we explored how every culture is connected through commensality, or the practice of eating together. We see this commensality most clearly at the dining table. Across different cultures, foods, and language, we have more in common than we realize.
Table Manners
Table manners are the rules of etiquette used while eating. Different cultures have different rules for table etiquette. Each family or group sets its own standards for how strictly these rules are to be followed. We practice table manners and etiquette to make eating with others pleasant and sociable. Furthermore, table manners play an important part in making a favorable impression on others. Being courteous shows that you care about those with you.
The study of manners provides important insight into social norms, social structure, social interaction, and the culture of the population or epoch under investigation. In sociology, the concept of manners generally refers to patterned interactions and norms and customs.
Commensality
Commensalis appears in medieval Latin.
- com- used for something shared among several persons
- mensalis- sharing of what is on the table, i.e., food
- Descriptive- what people do
- Analytic- social function
Dynamics of the relationship are influenced by the way food is presented to us at the table. The first interactions that we have together are the shared bread plate. If we have to actually break the bread, it can be either awkward or a moment of bonding between new acquaintances. Symbolic of companionship, let’s share bread comes from Latin: com– with, pane– bread. Performing commensality, many cultures begin feasts with communal dishes, drawing from plates of snacks. The Asian hot pot and the Western fondue are examples of shared cooking.
Double Character of Culture
The frame of meals varies from culture to culture and we each bring in a different background and knowledge. The “double character of culture” describes aspects of conversation: On the one side, culture has symbols, rituals, and texts, and on the other, practices and interpretations. Say, we toast, “I would like to drink to our gathering. I hope we all have an enjoyable and stimulating evening.” Even in such a simple case, more is involved than speech alone.
Finger Foods
When can you touch your food? What kind of food? All five senses are involved in eating. Beyond taste and smell, hearing and touch also play a big role. We like noisy foods — think crunchy, crispy. Research shows that chips and apples are more pleasurable when the sound of the crunch is amplified.
Eating a hot hamburger or a slice of pizza tastes even better when you can feel the toasty bread or crispy crust in your hand. Think about how tasty it looks, how delicious it smells, or even how good it sounds when you bite through the crisp lettuce or crunchy crust. Manners side, the only thing that can make the food better is eating into it with your mouth open.
Which foods are permissible to eat across cultures? For Western culture, we eat pizza, burgers, fries, chips, apples, ice cream cones, sandwiches, corn on the cob, popcorn, and more. For India, Malaysia, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, and more, eating practices are to use the right hand for food; never the left hand, which is for the toilet and thus unclean for food. To eat, you use three fingers on the right hand and use the fingertips to mix the food, not your entire hand. The art of eating with your hands includes licking your fingers. For Japanese, sushi is eaten with your fingers; chopsticks can damage the sushi. In Mexico, eating tacos with forks and knives is considered snobby.
Across food cultures, the common thread is to eat with clean hands and practicality. Wash your hands before eating. Use wet towels at a sushi restaurant. Tacos and popcorn are easier and faster to eat with your fingers.